Demand feeding can create challenges for mum and baby.
If you’re a new mom, you might be wondering about the best way to feed your baby. One important aspect to consider is the difference between feeding your baby on demand and practicing mindful feeding. Learning to recognise and respond to your baby’s hunger cues is crucial, as it can help you differentiate between genuine hunger and signs of colic or reflux. In addition, incorporating mindful feeding practices can offer extra benefits for both you and your baby.
Feeding a baby on demand simply means feeding your baby when they demonstrate hunger signs.
Demand feeding is often associated with the advice- Feed when baby is hungry!
Many mums interpret this saying as:
Feed when baby is sucking!
Feed when baby is crying!
Feed when baby is rooting!
Feed when baby is poking out tongue!
Feed when baby is grizzly
The challenge when feeding baby on demand when these signs are present, is that these signs are not always hunger signs.
They are also signs for tiredness, discomfort and gas.
Babies who often demand feed, may also be at higher risk of being diagnosed with colic or reflux.
Demand feeding most often leads mums to second guessing themselves. Mums may be at higher risk of sleep deprivation, anxiety and depression.
They look hungry, showing all the signs of hunger but in fact, baby is fighting at the breast and pushing themselves away and they appear not interested.
This is why I like to call it ‘mindful feeding’
Mindful feeding takes into account your baby’s sleep and feeding routine, baby cues, your intuition and the temperament of your baby.
Example:
Your baby has had a good feed, been on for 20 min, sucking well and swallowing. You know their tummy is full. But they wake, they are rooting, sucking and still not relaxing.
You re-feed to see if they are still hungry. Because of the sucking reflex and rooting reflex, your baby is affectively having another feed or topping up. This becomes a cycle, soon to be challenging.
This is why feeding should always be a partnership. Not just one way.
Your baby doesn’t know how regulate their feeding but you can. Not this does not mean feeding on schedule.
You should always be responsive and flexible.
In order for a baby’s digestive system to do it’s job properly their nervous system needs to be in a calm state. – this responsibility falls to the parasympathetic nervous system. The PNS lowers blood pressure, promotes digestion and eliminates waste from our bodies and this is no different for our babies. This is known as rest-and-digest mode. With more time resting and digesting, the body is able to eliminate toxins and metabolise the nutrients a baby needs to thrive.
If a baby is feeding frequently, tummy is filled continuously and may present with reflux or colic, bubs is most likely in a constant fight or flight response.
This doesn’t promote healthy digestion.
Especially breastfeeding mums are told to feed frequently due to baby’s small tummies. This is not the best advice. Yes babies tummies are small and don’t stretch much. But that doesn’t mean they need feeding every 30 minutes to an hour. For a baby to fully empty their tummy and their digestive system to work optimally, 3 hours for a newborn and even longer for a baby older, is a good time between feeds. A baby can also fill their tummy, depending on mums lactation, in 10-15 minutes. Anymore more time is often taken up by comfort feeding. They may also over feed, their tummy will feel over full.
A baby who isn’t sleeping and is feeding frequently doesn’t engage their parasympathetic nervous system to rest and allow the milk to digest.
Giving baby time between feeds will alleviate discomfort, minimise silent reflux and a diagnosis of colic.
Rest to digest is very important to remember.
Normalising cluster feeding, snacking and frequent feeds isn’t in the best interest of your baby and you.
]]>Many mums are excited to see their baby putting on weight as they are growing.
Especially when we take out our little record books and see the lines nicely creeping up and all is well.
However it’s unlikely that majority of babies stick 100% to the percentile they were born under or stay throughout their first year of life.
Sometimes these lines take a bit of a dive especially in weight and to be honest it’s the weight that always is on the front our parents minds rather than how tall they are getting.
This is also true for when we take our babies to health clinics to do routine checks.
Recently a mum who I have worked with for a few months now messaged me with her recent experience.
A routine check to see how her little one has been tracking.
Not because she was concerned but knew bubs was due and just curious to see how he’s doing.
Her little 4 month old had gone down two percentiles on the chart but is on the 91st percentile for height. Dad is a tall man.
A baby who is very happy and content, sleeps through the night and has no other health issues, is breastfed plus bottle fed and mum mentioned she may start to think about solids over the next few weeks.
The advice she got left her fuming.
It felt confronting.
First of all she was told to start dream feeding or start to feed during the night again.
She was also told off for having her baby in his own room, which is literary as stones throw away from where mum and dad sleeps.
And that solids shouldn’t even be on their minds even though bubs is over 4 months old and was only mentioned not actioned.
I’m glad mum had the confidence to stick to her guns and say no.
She knows her baby well, she understands the family’s DNA and that bubs isn’t going to to be a 6ft buddha bub☺️.
Out of interest I also compared the weight chart for girls and boys.
Interestingly if the weight was plotted on the girls weight and height chart there would have been no issues.
While weight and height charts will always have a place, they shouldn’t be the only indication for change.
We need to also look at our baby’s growth and development holistically.
Baby’s are individuals and we need to stop comparing them to an average percentage of population.
Trust your intuition. It’s your super power
Is my baby tired or hungry?
Did you know that your baby’s cues for hunger, tiredness, pain and wind are exactly the same!
Would you like to learn more about what your baby is telling you?
Check out this tutorial to help learn more about your baby’s cues.
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I remember the very first day I brought my first baby to daycare at the age of 18 months.
A confident but quiet boy who was definitely ready for some time with others. It wasn’t because I was going back to work or needed some time for myself but because It was recommended. He was and still is a very bright wee boy reciting the order of the planets and studiously reading through his many books in his possession at a young age. There has been no stopping him over the years as he is now in his fourth year of a 5-year degree in bio medical engineering and economics.
But my second baby was a little different.
Clingier and less confident and a personality typical of a second baby , a little more rebellious and needed a little more attention.
Both were so different and had different needs but both equally as gorgeous and loveable in their own way.
So, when it came to my second boy heading off to daycare it was a little more challenging.
He was a little older too and had been with mum for longer before his very first day at daycare.
Clinging on to me knowing I was about to leave and standing at the door crying with me trying not to turn around for the third or fourth time wanting to run back and give him a cuddle to say mummy would be back to collect him even though his brother was right by his side.
Those days are now distant memories because they are both doing so well in the direction they have chosen.
So how do you make the daycare drops offs a little easier?
It includes a little planning and some ground rules to help you and your child transition easier into their daycare environment, but it doesn’t mean that it will be all plane sailing.
1 – Confidence.
Try not to let on that you are anxious leaving your child. They will see right through and feel your emotions so hide them well even if you have to pretend.
2 – Visits
Spend time together playing and getting to know their environment they will be in. Both inside and outside areas. Play in the sand pit, read books on the matt and stick around when the children are together when the teacher is reading stories.
3 – Sleep
If your baby or toddler will be napping at daycare then having a routine in place and for them to be able to confidently settle themselves will be a great help, not only for you but also for staff. If they are swaddled, for younger babies or in sleeping bags for older ones make sure you use these for their sleeps at daycare. Cuddlies are great too so they have something from home. Even a blanket or sheet you use in their cot can help them feel more confident. Also talk to the staff at daycare because they will be very knowledgeable how to help you child settle in. I would also recommend that you get someone else to settle your baby at home or maybe at their grandparent’s house so that they are not used to only mum putting them to bed.
4 – Saying goodbye
When it’s time to say goodbye, how hard it may be, make sure you do it with confidence and don’t stick around for your little one to attract your attention to stay. The worst thing you can do is run back and give cuddle after cuddle and saying goodbye several times. This isn’t in the best interest of both you and your baby or toddler. Majority of children will stop crying once you are out of site and their attention has been redirected elsewhere.
5 – Pics and stories
Now days daycares are great at letting you know how your child is doing. They can send pictures and create a little journal of what they have been while in their care. It’s a great way to keep in touch.
6 – Be prepared and plan
If the reason your child is heading off to daycare is because you are returning to work, then it’s very important to plan ahead of time. This is especially after pick-up. They will be exhausted and so will you. Meals that are easily prepared or slow-cooker meals can be a life saver.
Delegate who will cook which night or have readymade meals that can be frozen over the weekend you can then use during the week.
Quality time is important while still sticking to your night time routine. The last thing they want is to see mum rushing around preparing meals and getting the house sorted when they have missed you all day.
7- Outsource
Yep you might hear this word in business but outsourcing chores within your home such as house cleaner, taking your washing to a laundromat or even getting your ironing done can be a game changer. Home delivery of your groceries and food boxes delivered to your day are all time savers.
8- Guilt
Yes, it’s very common for parents especially mums to feel guilty that their children are at daycare.
All I can say is – Don’t
It will not help you move forward and will only keep you from enjoying what is reality and often is unavoidable plus it’s ok to do what you enjoy while being a parent at the same time. It’s about creating balance.
After reading this blog you may have other tips that may help other parents.
Please share and leave a comment below
Trish Martin
]]>But what a lot of parents don’t realise is that there are recognisable reasons why their baby may be suffering from this heartbreaking condition.
Rather than accepting diagnosis, it’s important to understand why your baby may be struggling and upset.
Babies often suffer from colic between 2-6 weeks of age.
So, what are the signs of colic?
Babies aged 2-3 weeks or older.
Babies cry for 3 or more hours usually at the same time of the day every day lasting for a number of days or even weeks.
Most often in the late afternoon and/or evening.
High pitched cry which is often inconsolable.Their movements are often jerky, and they are unable to relax no matter what.
They may not want to be held close to you and often try and push you away when feeding.
Settle only for a short period of time.
Other signs that may show up are green bowel motions, rumbling tummies and spilling.
While they may look hungry, sucking only provides relief for a very short time.
Why is my baby showing these signs of so-called “Colic”?
Babies take a little while to get used to the outside world. They have been nurtured and comforted inside the womb for many months.
They haven’t needed to ask for food or ask to go to sleep because their environment has done that for them.
Now that they are outside of their comfy abode. They use their voice and their bodies to let you know their needs.
But as a new mum, you have no idea what those signs are and how to determine them, especially with so many different approaches and advice from others.
The first 2 weeks is about getting to know your baby, realizing you have a little human to look after that is totally dependent on you and your family. Bonding, cuddling and coming to terms that your life has changed forever. Your baby sleeps a lot and feeds in between sleep. This is all very normal and to be expected. Your baby falls asleep in your arms many times and many times you will try and place them in their bed but soon to be back in your arms for more cuddles. Visitors come and go, and you are most likely been housebound.
After a couple of weeks, things start to change. Your baby is no longer sleeping for long periods of time. In fact, they are sleeping very little sometimes only 30 min or less. You are starting to feel tired. Your sleep is no longer of importance while you try and figure out what has changed. Your baby is feeding more frequently, starting to get quite unsettled and harder to fall asleep.
Part of the reason is that they are developing skills to survive. They are becoming more aware of their surroundings, the noises they are hearing and the people around them, while still enjoying the cuddles and sleeps in your arms. But you are now wanting a little bit more space. Time to have a shower, make yourself some breakfast or even just a cuppa.
You are home on your own because for most of you, your partners, family or friends have gone back to their daily routine. You may be feeling sleep deprived, alone, frustrated and overwhelmed. Your baby is no longer settling as they did in the first 2 weeks.
They are crying, searching for their hands, sucking on their hands. Even though they have only been fed 30 min ago, they are awake and you introduce them to more food.
This goes on for quite some time over several hours or days. You seem to be feeding more and more but your baby is more and more unsettled. Relatching on the boob seems to be one way to calm them down but again only for a short time. This goes on for days even weeks until you finally go and see someone to seek some answers only to be told your baby has “COLIC”
Colic a term, not a diagnosis
So, what could it be?
1-Sleep
Sleep is very important for your baby. They grow and gain weight while they are sleeping.
However, your baby is used to falling asleep whenever they need to inside the womb and also in the first 2 weeks in the outside world. Then they start to be able to be awake a little longer and learning to trust their surroundings. They become more curious, know you are around, they can hear you, smell you and feel you. Which means they are awake more but also missing out on much-needed sleep. They become overtired and a lot harder to settle. If this goes on for too long you have a baby showing signs of sleep deprivation.
2- Feeding
Most babies who are diagnosed with Colic are breastfed. Babies do feed frequently in the first few weeks. They are growing and gaining weight more in the first few weeks than they will in months or years to come. Mums lactation is starting to establish and getting the hang of breastfeeding becomes easier.
However, your baby is awake and unsettled and you are not sure why. You end up offering more food because they are showing signs of hunger. Before you know it, you are consistently feeding your baby and your baby becomes more and more unsettled. Yes, your baby has a small tummy but that doesn’t mean they need feeding every 30 min. Remember the milk needs time to digest. The optimum time for digestion is when your baby is at rest.
Rest to digest. The average amount of time for digestion is around 2 hours or up to 3 hours. If you are feeding your baby frequently their tummy hasn’t got a chance to empty and digest. Tummy is then filled again and again which creates more challenges with wind, digestion and ultimately sleep. Often mums with oversupply and feeding frequently present with colic a lot earlier.
3- Wind
After a feed, some babies need to get rid of excess wind. Accumulation of wind depends on your supply, quality of milk and time spent awake. Often mums are spending too much time trying to get a burp out. I recommend spending about 10 min and no longer. If your baby has brought up one burp, then this is enough. During the night they don’t necessarily need winding at all. What often happens is a mum has misinterpreted their baby’s sleep signs for wind and keeps baby up longer. Your baby will get more overtired and will be harder to settle.
The other challenge is that if your baby does have an upset tummy due to frequent feeding. They may produce more wind, struggle with indigestion and unable to settle to sleep. You feed to resettle several times, your baby will get more stressed, more tired and the signs of “COLIC” start to appear.
What can you do to prevent or help a baby with colic
Know your baby’s cues. These are the most important.
Your baby’s hunger, tired, pain and wind cues are all exactly the same
Trust your intuition- if you think they are full then they probably are and refeeding them will make symptoms worse.
If you are feeding frequently, you need to start spacing your feeds.
Start with 15 min at the first and second feed.
3rd feed 30 min
4th feed 45 min
5th feed 60 min
And so on until you have a good time between feeds for rest to digest.
2-3 hours for babies over two weeks is achievable.
Only burp when necessary.
Know your baby’s awake times.
Help your baby to learn to self-settle and create positive sleep associations.
If you need more help, get in touch:)
]]>Prolactin?
This hormone has a lot to do with how successful you will be with breastfeeding.
It’s around in small doses when your are pregnant and slowly increases as your pregnancy progresses.
Towards the end of pregnancy the prolactin levels are very high so this enables milk production.
The sooner the baby starts sucking the sooner your milk will start to produce- hence why many believe the first hour post birth is crucial for both bonding and breastfeeding.
The more baby sucks the more prolactin is produced therefore the more milk is produced.
This occurs due to the brain receiving messages through the nervous system to release the prolactin.
Its a very clever hormone because it also adjust your milk to what your babies needs are.
But there is an important factor that is often overlooked. ?
The prolactin has to have a very positive environment to thrive.
If a women is anxious about her ability to feed, feels judged, may be embarrassed to breastfeed, finds it painful to feed, then prolactin is inhibited and the milk production and secretion will be diminished.
This is not a good scenario for successful breastfeeding for new mums.
Feeling pressured to breastfeed, copious amount of advertising about breast is best, not supportive enough advice in the first 72 hours, feeling confused, overwhelmed will all have a big impact on this little hormone.
Prolactin is best produced under the influence of happiness, confidence, no pain and relaxation.
This is why it is vital that all mums seek supportive and individual advice to help them breastfeed successfully.
Unfortunately majority of postnatal care professionals are blinded by what is important to the mum and baby and the push to breastfeed as a whole.
