“Mum shaming” refers to the practice of criticizing or judging a mother’s parenting choices or behaviors. There are many different types of mum shaming, some of which include:

1. Breastfeeding shaming: Criticising a mother for breastfeeding in public or for not breastfeeding at all.

2. Bottle feeding shaming: Criticising a mother for bottle-feeding her baby instead of breastfeeding.

3. Co-sleeping shaming: Criticising a mother for co-sleeping with her baby. 4. Working mother shaming: Criticising a mother for working outside the home instead of staying at home with her children.

5. Stay-at-home mother shaming: Criticising a mother for staying at home with her children instead of working outside the home.

6. Helicopter parenting shaming: Criticising a mother for being too overprotective of her children.

7. Free-range parenting shaming: Criticising a mother for being too lax in her parenting style.

These are just a few.

Remember!

Every mother has her own unique set of circumstances, challenges, and decisions to make when it comes to raising her children. It’s important to recognise that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, and what works for one family may not work for another.

Mom shaming can take many forms, from criticizing a mother’s choice to breastfeed or formula-feed her baby, to judging her for working outside the home or staying at home with her children. This kind of criticism can be hurtful and damaging, and it often comes from a place of ignorance or misunderstanding.

Instead of judging or shaming other mothers, we should strive to support and empower them. We can do this by listening to their experiences, offering helpful advice when asked, and refraining from making negative comments or assumptions about their parenting choices. By working together, we can create a more supportive and inclusive community for all mothers. You have a choice

As a newborn your baby sleeps a lot especially in the first 10 to 14 days. They also need to get used to their new environment that no longer supplies them with food without asking for it.  This is both natural and normal. Feeding, cuddling and falling asleep is all very natural for a newborn.

Then around two weeks things often start to change. Babies are more alert and seem to be awake for longer. They are getting their own little personalities and will often start to become a little more vocal. These changes don’t happen overnight but have already started to occur without your knowledge.

You see bonding with your baby is very important. The cuddles, the naps, the feeding, the baby talk and sleeping in your arms is the best thing for you and your baby but also becomes very tiring especially when you move into week 2 then 3 then 4 and so on.

Mums are starting to feel tiredness is taking over their daily existence and before you know it it’s no longer sustainable and sleep deprivation set in.

Because we have been told that babies should be kept in our arms, sleep in our beds and fall asleep while feeding. Its no wonder when the time comes to actually get them back to sleep they will protest until finally mum and dad give in.

I can so understand this feeling because there is nothing worse than hearing your baby cry, unsettled and upset in their bed rather than asleep, cosy and warm in your arms.

But I know that majority of the time after a few weeks of sitting and waiting for your baby to have their sleep in your arms. You start realizing that actually you would like to have some time without that attachment because it may be wearing you down.

Rightly so. You deserve to have some ‘you’ time. You deserve to give yourself permission to gain a little more freedom during the day.

Do not feel guilty for feeling this way.

It comes down to how to change the way we put our babies down that will ultimately give you back your precious time.

So here are some tips for resettling.

1. Once you start don’t look back.

If you’re not doing it consistently at every sleep it will create confusion for your baby

2.  Either put baby down drowsy or awake – not asleep.

We are creating an atmosphere of recognition around their sleep area. For them to see the same pictures on the wall, the same toys and the same bed will create a confident sleeper. They will also feel more secure upon waking.

So one of the reasons why babies don’t sleep well in their own beds is because they have left the comfort of mother’s arms while they are asleep and then when they wake up they are in a different place.

3.  A swaddle for babies less than 6-8 weeks or a sleeping bag from newborn upwards.

Just to remember that not all babies enjoy being swaddled.

4. When settling your baby into their bed, place one hand under them and the other on their chest. Then once you feel the mattress, only remove the bottom hand while keeping one hand on their chest. Keep that hand gently but firmly on your baby’s chest or side for few minutes.

This will allow them to still feel the comfort of your presence. Also you can gently relax them with small hand movements and shushing.

5. Stay incognito

One of the most important tips is when settling your baby you are out of their eyesight, especially for babies over the age of 5-6 weeks. Your baby is not going to settle and close their eyes if mum or dad are watching them  fall asleep. This is why sometimes rolling your baby on their side facing away from you works better when settling or you may need to crouch donw and be away from their line of vision. If they are back sleepers you can then move them back onto their back to continue sleeping.

6. Repeat and Repeat until success

If your baby wakes after certain amount of time repeat the settling process until you have success or until your baby is too unsettled to keep going.

There is no black and white rule how long you can leave your baby to cry for.

This is totally up too you, you are the best judge of your babies needs. Some mums can leave babies for 2 mins, others are happy to leave their babies for 5 min.

If your baby doesn’t settle, pick baby up but try not to leave the room. Once settled in your arms. Place baby back down in their bed and repeat the resettling process. You may need to do this several times to create a successful outcome.

It’s about creating a routine that is both sustainable for you and your baby.

Think about how you are guiding your baby to sleep and is this something you can keep doing for a long period of time.

If the answer is “no” then something needs to change for it to become more enjoyable and also sustainable in the future.

Your newborn has arrived which means whole new adventure awaits you. 

Your personal priorities and responsibilities are changing. You no longer need to only take care of yourself but also a tiny little human being who is reliant on you for everything.

It’s all new this motherhood thing. Your baby has had all their needs met inside the womb for 9 months. But once they make their exciting entrance into this outside world, it can become a very confusing time for you. 

 Advice freely flows from many directions. Friends and family will share stories to what has worked best for them and often are adamant their way is the best way. You may start to feel overwhelmed by the endless list of considerations, methods, techniques, and philosophies around parenting. You are reading books, googling the internet searching as much information possible so that you feel well informed.  

But can too much information actually be a bad thing?

Yes absolutely.

Too much information will start to confuse you and mix this with new mummy hormones, a bucket full of expectations, comparing yourself to others, not feeling good enough and not to mention sleep deprivation. It can lead to anxiety and possibly mental health issues such as postnatal distress and depression 

You start not to trust yourself. 

But this is exactly the time when your intuition or your gut feeling are the most important. 

No matter how much you know, no matter how much you read and no matter how much information you take on board. Nothing is more powerful than what you already know within yourself and know to be true. 

So how do I listen to my gut instinct?

Let’s have a look at what intuition really is first. 

Your intuition isn’t just a thought

It’s a thought and a physical feeling combined. You can’t trust your intuition unless you have both of these in unison. A thought that accompanies a gut feeling. This gut feeling may feel like a fear or excitement. 

Both feelings are there to rescue you. 

The feeling of fear with jitters, nausea, heart palpitations and other possible physical signs are there to stop you from walking into danger. The feeling of excitement, positivity feeling peace in your heart and stomach, warmth and that fuzzy feeling will help you move in the right direction.

 Environment also plays a big role on how effective you are able to tune into your intuition. 

Negative environment and obstacles that will stop you trusting your intuition are:

-Frustration

-Feeling overwhelmed

-Stress

-Sleep deprivation

-Pressure of others especially other mums 

-Health and wellbeing

-And lack of time

How do we create an environment to give ourselves the space to trust? 

-First be aware of your surroundings

-Observe your energy levels. 

-Pay attention to whether being around someone makes you feel tired and drained or energetic and lively.

-Capture your thoughts that pop up in your mind and visualise them.

-Pay attention to what is going on around you. 

Then to be able to make decisions you need to:

-Be ready to let bad feelings go

-Find time to be silent and still.

-Create space to focus- nature

-Commit to making a decision

-Reconnect with your better self.

-Clear away negativity.

-Do a reality check.

-Make a choice and see how you feel.

-Prepare responses to naysayers to help set boundaries.

Plus it’s important to install daily habits to make trusting your intuition easier. 

-Meditate – at least 5 min or more daily

-Exercise to increase endorphins

-Eating healthy 

-Time for you 

Remember you are making decisions for you

Once you have these skills trusting you intuition becomes so much easier and life will become more enjoyable and empowering.

You become a mum in an instant. It’s exciting and a little scary at the same time. The first few days and weeks are about getting to know your baby. Lots of bonding, learning to feed, bathe and settle your baby among all other new beginnings. 

But we can also start to feel alone and become so entrenched in this new journey that we start to not look after ourselves.

Here are some questions you might want to think about. 

Are you giving yourself the love and respect you deserve? 

Are you trusting your judgement?

Are you spending time doing what you love?

If you’re struggling with this, like many mums are, it’s time to take some action.

You may be feeling overwhelmed and emotional. You might not trust what your doing is right. You are feeling judged by other people’s standards and taking on advice that doesn’t fit your parenting style. 

It’s hard to put ourselves first but it’s a necessity. It’s part of a mum’s survival mode. 

Parenting doesn’t come with a university degree. Sometimes it feels like you’ve been thrown in the deep end without prior knowledge or experience. 

So how can we expect to know everything, give up who we are and be the wonder woman we might expect to be. 

We can’t and we shouldn’t.

 The first few months can be particularly hard. It’s often not until our little ones are a little older that we start to think about ourselves. Thinking of going back to work, getting back to the gym or even starting a little business on the side. Even just simple things like going out for a coffee with friends can be daunting. 

 Remember the person before she became a mum?  

Deep down, she is still there. It’s just with all the chaos and our sleep-deprived state of mind we have forgotten. 

For me, I have been passionately interested in this topic for a very long time. To realize there was more to me than being an at-home mum has taken me years. It’s only been over the last 5-6 years that I have had the confidence to venture out into new territory and rediscover my calling.

I have always been in the business of helping new mums with babies right through to ages 5 while nursing in the areas of Obstetrics, Pediatrics and as a Royal New Zealand Plunket Nurse, before starting my own family.

Now 20+ years on, with more determination than ever, I see the importance of giving mums the knowledge and support to thrive. To listen to their intuition. To permit themselves to be number one.   

The road to finding this truth even for myself hasn’t been an easy one.

I had to overcome many hurdles to reach a point in my life when I knew I needed the balance and needed something for me so I could give back to my family with more confidence and energy but also myself. 

Today many mums need to head back to work much earlier than before. Our lives are much busier, more stressful, and the financial strain is all too real for the majority of families, which means going back to work is not just an option but also a necessity.

Often there is no family around to lean on, a lot of couples these days have moved countries and so are worlds apart from their support systems. Friends with babies are back at work or you are the very first to start a family.

To top that off with expectations to conform to a parenting style, or to feel pressured into feeding your baby a certain way. Where to sleep your baby, and the many do’s and don’ts of parenting while feeling sleep deprived will pretty much send any mum into a frenzy of emotions. Technology has even taken over common sense.  

It’s no wonder we see more cases of postpartum distress than ever before. Mums are feeling more guilt, judging themselves too harshly about their parenting styles, and not looking within themselves for their knowledge and strength to make their own decisions. 

There is no one way to parent but guidelines and recommendations suggest there is. 

 This is why so many are mums are feeling overwhelmed, second-guessing themselves and not trusting their mummy instincts. 

So here is my advice to you.

You need to look after you first. 

• You are just as important as your baby.
• Believe in your strengths. 
• Believe in your decisions. 
• Stand your ground.
• Feel empowered with the choices you have made.
• Stop feeling guilty and step up and make yourself count.
• Whatever life decisions you make, they’re yours and your family’s and for no one else to judge.

Nurturing, trusting and believing in yourself will ultimately make parenting much simpler and more enjoyable.

So here are some simple steps for you to follow. 

1. Ask for help
2. Take time out (even if it’s just for a coffee)
3. Trust and allow your partner to take care of your baby (so you can confidently go out)
4. Delegate household chores
5. Keep in touch with friends without children (it’s important to have a balance of baby and adult talk)
6. Keep up with fitness or start fitness classes
7. Dress up rather than dress down
8. Take the advice that you will benefit from
9. Love yourself
10. Most of all believe